Did you know that some people are wired to take everything someone says to them to heart? Those type of people are called “feelers”. I am one of those people. I have a tendency to take what people say to me to heart and remember it for years to come. I am glad to know I am not the only one out there like this, there are many! It occurred to me the other night as I was sitting on a new friend’s porch (social distancing of course) chatting just how many people tend to be “feelers”.

You see women (sorry I can’t speak for men but I am sure they struggle to in this area) tend to be so hard on themselves and their appearances. And if you are a woman that doesn’t struggle with that, rock on because that is awesome! I have come far over the years in not worrying about what others think or stressing about my appearances and I want to give a little back story because just maybe someone out there needs to read this and feel encouraged.

Let’s start way back when I was a little girl. I can distinctly remember a time I was at my grandma’s visiting with her and my great aunts. One of them said, “Sarah is so tiny she is going to be the biggest Holt ever one day.” Now I know she was only kidding but remember I am a feeler so I took it to heart and locked it in my brain forever. That day I remember thinking “Oh NO I won’t, I will make sure of it one way or the other.” Fast forwarded to my senior year of High School and graduation night, I remember putting on my nice dress and weighing myself. Don’t ask me why I weighed myself because honestly I have no idea. Anyways, I remember looking at the scale and seeing 103 and wishing it said 101. I mean come on really, good gracious I haven’t seen numbers like that in YEARS and that is ok! Fast forward to the summer after my sophomore year in college, I did a mission trip in Gatlinburg, TN. It was fun and I worked at Baskin Robbins, yep I got to eat ice cream everyday. But, around this time is when my “eating disorder” started, so if I ate ice cream (which we only got 1 small scoop a day), that was it for food for the day. We would have meals together as a group, I would make my plate eat 2 or 3 bites and throw the rest away. By the end of the summer I was skin and bones and the clothes I had were hanging off of me. My parents came to visit and my mom asked why I had lost so much weight. I told her it was because I was walking everywhere, which is true, I just didn’t add in the part about not eating too. My junior year in college I took this P.E. class with a friend I had met at NC State. One week we had to do a food journal and I did it over a weekend that I went home. Long story short when I got done I had eaten around 2300 calories each day because I had a couple of cookouts that weekend. When I gave it to my teacher he looked at it and said “Whoa you need to stay around 1700 calories a day.” My said friend straight up told him he was stupid to say that, she said don’t you know Sarah is little and already worries about her weight. Anyways, I am a feeler and that was stored in my brain from then on. Quickly fast forward to my senior year in college, I had a town home with two friends. It was easy at first to hide my little secret, or so I thought it was. I would head to campus with a diet soda and 10 pretzel sticks in a bag for lunch, come home at night and eat a can of green beans and another diet soda. My roommate called me out on it and I knew it was time to gain control over the situation and seek help. I told my mom for Christmas that year I just wanted to see a therapist to get it all under control. I think she was shocked but I also know deep down her and dad knew something was up.

Ok, whoosh that was some raw truth and don’t know why I was led to write it! I am good now, well weight is always in the back of my mind but I know what triggers it and to stay clear. Like scales, never do I get on them!!! There is a lot more to the story and if you want more information or just to be nosy ask. I am an open book and if my story can help you I want to share it! But all of that to say, when we are talking to people remember they could be “feelers” and they may be taking every single word you say to heart. And I get it, you may be sitting here reading this and thinking “feelers” can just get over it, that is ridiculous. But unfortunately, as a “feeler” it isn’t something you can just get over. A “feeler” can work on it, learn to process it better and try to learn not to take everything to heart but that’s just how our brains are wired.